We’ve all experienced the awkwardness of silence. Think about the silence we experience at a dinner party when the conversation falls flat or after Uncle Bob unknowingly offends another person yet again. Awkward!
I don’t know too many people who appreciate the stifling silence of a long elevator ride in a half-full elevator.
The commands, “Be quiet” or “Shut up,” are often punitive attempts to stop words – to enforce silence in another person.
If silence has a bad rap, solitude hasn’t done much better. If you have too much solitude, you’re a loner, outsider, or maybe even an outcast. Solitary confinement or to bring it closer to home, room time for a wayward child, are punishments meant to instill the wrongness of an action.
Silence and solitude definitely have negative connotations. Yet, there must also be an upside because Jesus regularly practiced both of these disciplines.
Throughout his ministry, Jesus went to isolated places by himself to pray (Mark 1:35). Even though solitary silence has benefits in and of itself, Jesus often added prayer to the mix.
At times, huge crowds followed Jesus. The ministry opportunities were endless. Yet, “Jesus often withdrew to the wilderness for prayer” (Luke 5:16). Prayerful silence and solitude were a regular part of Jesus’ life. Busyness and a growing ministry didn’t distract Jesus from these important disciplines.
We don’t know how long Jesus prayed, although on at least one occasion, Jesus prayed through the night (Luke 6:12). Why would Jesus pull an all-nighter to pray? The next morning, Jesus gathered his disciples and chose the Twelve who would do life with him for the next three years. Some of these men would go on to lead the early church. I suspect that Jesus heard from the Father during these intimate times alone with Him. For Jesus, prayerful silence and solitude preceded major decisions.
If the Son of God chose to practice silence and solitude as a necessary part of his life and ministry, it would seem wise for us to do the same.
Yet, what are some of the potential pitfalls of practicing silence and solitude?
The first danger is that we might get overwhelmed if we do too much, too quickly. I remember talking to a friend one time about the amazing personal retreats I was having at a local monastery. He got excited and booked a two-day retreat. When he got back, he said he had a miserable time. What I had forgotten to warn him about was that the monastery is a very quiet place. My friend is an extravert who loves to hang out with people and was not used to spending that much time alone. For him, going on a two-day retreat with lots of silence and solitude was too big of a jump at that point.
Another potential danger is that we might give silence and solitude too much of a place in our lives and neglect other spiritual practices like building community and serving others.
With any spiritual discipline, it’s possible for us to view the discipline as the end goal instead of as a means to an end. When silence and solitude are simply self-serving, when self-care becomes the goal, we may miss other benefits like growing closer to Jesus or refocusing on his priorities for our lives.
If the end goal is to glorify God by loving Him more deeply and serving Him more effectively, then a God-honoring silence and solitude will do at least four things:
Provide Spaces for Deepening Our Relationship with Jesus
We need to slow down – to find spaces where we can hear God’s voice. “Be still and know that I am God! I will be honored by every nation. I will be honored throughout the world” (Psalm 46:10).
Judy Brown (2013) says, “What makes a fire burn is space between the logs, a breathing space.” We, too, need breathing spaces – places where we can examine our lives and allow the Holy Spirit to counsel, comfort, and even convict. We need spaces where we can pray without interruptions or distractions – a daunting challenge if you’re the parent of a toddler!
Without these seasons of silence and solitude, the fire of spiritual passion within our souls begins to diminish. However, when we practice these disciplines in a God-honoring way, we stoke the fires of spiritual passion – the passion and commitment we need to live as vibrant and fruitful followers of Jesus.
Position Us to Receive More of God’s Resources
During one of my personal retreats, I struggled with God about the possibility of taking my family overseas for a year of cross-cultural ministry. Yet, during that time, God spoke through His Word and in other ways to convince me that I needed to take this step of faith (my wife was already raring to go). We ended up going to Thailand with Power to Change – a life-changing experience for our entire family.
Give Us Space to Apply What We Are Learning
Depending on your stage of life, you might find yourself running very quickly through each day. Socrates once said that the unexamined life is not worth living. Silence and solitude gives us an opportunity to think and process life.
Re-Create Our Bodies, Minds and Spirits
God can use times of silence and solitude to recharge our batteries. Whether it’s a few minutes during a busy day or several hours at a retreat location, we need those times to rest our bodies, renew our minds, and enliven our spirits. Why? So that we have increased capacity to live out His call on our lives.
Of course, silence and solitude are not the only spiritual disciplines. However, in our increasingly noise-filled society, we often neglect them and our souls suffer as a result.
How do I intentionally practice silence and solitude?
Sometimes, I’ll drive to and from work in silence. I also look for other times during the day to practice stillness.
I typically go for a prayer walk in the mornings and a run later in the day. Some of my best thoughts come out of those quiet times in God’s creation.
Sometimes, I will go on longer prayer retreats between an hour and two days.
Thinking about my last daylong prayer retreat, I came away refreshed, more in love with Jesus and with a keener sense of His priorities for my life. Here are five reasons why I think prayer retreats are a great idea:
1. We Experience Rest and Refreshment
When I go on a prayer retreat, I try not to schedule too many activities. It’s an opportunity for me to slow down – to practice a true day of rest. I come away from these times refreshed physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.
2. We Enter into Silence
Susan Moto says,
In a noise-polluted world, it is even difficult to hear ourselves think let alone try to be still and know God. Yet it seems essential for our spiritual life to seek some silence, no matter how busy we may be. Silence is not to be shunned as empty space, but to be befriended as fertile ground for intimacy with God.
I know that silence is difficult to embrace when we are not used to it (yes, it may mean shutting off our devices). Yet, silence creates a space where we can experience God in deeper ways.
3. We Connect with Jesus
Healthy relationships require connect time. A prayer retreat gives us the opportunity to spend prolonged, intimate time with Jesus – listening, talking, and just being together. During a prayer retreat, I may find myself adoring God through praise. I’ll spend time interceding for others. Sometimes, I’m brought to my knees in confession as the Spirit reveals sin in my life. Throughout the day, I experience God’s love and express my love to Him. I cannot think of a time when I left a prayer retreat not feeling more in love with Jesus.
4. We Gain a Renewed Focus
When I remove myself from my normal activities for a prolonged period of time, I am better able to focus on Jesus. As I do so, I am more likely to gain his perspective on my life, both the present and the future. My fears and anxieties begin to fade as God takes center stage.
5. We Receive Guidance
There is something powerful about prolonged, uninterrupted time with God that allows us to draw close to Him and hear His quiet voice. Whether it’s related to a significant personal decision, a family matter, or a work situation, I find that God often speaks into those situations as I take time to listen.
To help you create some space to reflect on the practice of silence and solitude, I’ve included four reflection/discussion questions at the end of this blog.
Taking time to prayerfully reflect, process, and decide (or wait) is so important. I am convinced that most people simply do not get enough quietness and solitude to be able to reflect enough, to discern the best course, to hear God’s quiet voice. Our lives and minds are often going too fast. As Peter Scazzero has said, “You can’t live at warp speed without warping your soul.” We need to slow down. We need to have more space in our lives.
Here are some questions to reflect on or discuss with someone else:
- Do I have the right mix of silence and solitude in my life?
- If you sense that God would have you strengthen this spiritual practice, what are 2-3 ways that you could strengthen it (make sure that your action steps are SMART – Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound)?
- How can I make my times of silence and solitude more meaningful?
- What would a God-honoring, personal retreat look like for me?
Note: This blog is based on one of the chapters in my book, Your Rule of Life. You can also access the material through the Your Rule of Life Video Course on this website.